Totoy Much

Pero si totoy ‘di sumuko...

Alas singko na nang umaga pero I don’t know what energy provoked me to blog that midnight. That was five hours ago sa mahaba at nakakamiss na usapan namin ng maituturing kong bestfriend. Namiss ko siya, sobra. Maraming bagay na naman ang nasabi ko sa kanya that made my emotion heat up. Marahil di niya ito napansin sapagkat puro tawa lang ako. I thought laugh will make happiness prevail in my heart from the nightmare of my past where it reached the point that i have to cry and ease the pain alone.

Na-open ko sa kaniya yung tungkol sa mga ex lovers niya and how they were acting right now. Then suddenly the Junior scrapbook topic was opened. One girl came to my mind, the girl who invaded my whole being for years. She was the girl who made those fairy tales came into real life. I fell in love with her. Then suddenly it came to a point where I have to beg for her love. Nakaya kong mag-tiis at patuloy sa pag beg sa love niya hanggang sa dumating sa punto na kung saan nasabi ko sa sarili ko na “sobrang sakit na”. Hindi ko ito ininda kasi mahal na mahal ko na siya that time. Lahat na ata ginawa ko para lang pansinin niya ako.

I attempted to move on. I struggled to cross the border line of loving and forgetting. But I had the hard time of accepting that I have to let go. FIRST LOVE nga naman oh. Parang kapag pinakawalan mo siya wala nang susunod. Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na ihate siya. I tried to keep her out of my mind. Pero lahat ng pagod ko nabalewala the time na nakasabay ko siya sa jeep. Umupo ba naman sa harapan ko. Tumibok naman ang gag*ng puso at sinabayan pa ng panlalamig ng mga palad. Ninerbyos at parang nawala sa sarili. Hindi makakilos, hindi makasalita, pokerfaced. Then I realized that I just can’t un-love her and that’s how reality bites.

Pero si totoy ‘di sumuko...

...Siguro dahil sawa na rin siya sa masaklap niyang First Love

I isolated myself from her. I know that it was for my own good. Friends were there naman na umalalay sakin. Hanggang sa natutunan kong mahalin ang salitang MOVE ON.

MOVE ON. That’s the best thing i did in order to survive from cupid’s mismatched arrows. From the very start she was never mine naman eh. So apparently there was no predicament on the process how I forgot her.Since, I managed to live my life naman to the fullest the day before I was attached to her. I made myself discover how to taste freedom from my self-made- martyrdom that I suffered for almost 5 years.

I deserve also to be loved back not just loving so much.